True Colors

it wouldnt take long for u to see the true colors of the other person..and most of the time it actually hurts to know what he's really thinking in his mind...its kinda scary when u found out that how long and how much he has been lying to you bout everything..assuming that everything's fine..everything's okay..but deep inside its the opposite way round...went to paid his blog a visit..he told me that we wont post anything anymore and already attempted to delete the account..but i didnt know..when i went to see..i saw a new post from him..and it was like posted last week..some what he said in there was the latest i could get from him...reading it makes me feel even more guilty..i know i havent been treating him rite and all..i was seriously having some mental unstability few weeks back and was super duper emo during that time..i would ended thinking negetive stuff and all..i know he couldnt spend much time with me due to his work and schu work load..i understand that..but some times when i see my frens having their bf over,going or something..i kinda like get really emo...i kinda like jealous i would get seriously upset with everything...i wonder what was wrong with me..as if i havent had enough at that point..everything just got from bad to worse..really got fucked up...and i'm a person who sucked most on handling problems..i would rather choose to avoid it than to solve it...but things really got really really bad..til i read his blog..although everything has back to normal already..we went out for a date few days back..everything seemed normal to me..but something i cant help wondering..is he putting up a show to show me that everything;s fine between us??he hasnt been telling me much bout how he felt at most of the time...and i sucked at handling emotions problems...it really hurts me to read what he wrote on his feeling..it hurts more than he telling me directly...its like there's this invisible medium thats in between us...giving us a big gap...i used to thought that he love me alot..and i love him alot too...i want him to chase his dreams..i want the best of everything for him..but somehow he just dont understand...he's already big enough to think whats important and whats not..but yet he still makes me worry for him some of the time..and i know he wont listen til i'm screaming and scolding him..but in order to make him listen i have had to be cruel...
well i'm used to be seen as a bad person..never a good one no matter how hard i tried..most of the time people just tend to judge u by what they choose to see..and that seriously hurt..especially when the one u love the most sees u that way...